i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize