i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
