drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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