I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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