nut hugger
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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