Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
