i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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