I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
