please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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