i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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