I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
