I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
