he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
