So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
