Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
