I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize