the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
