we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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