Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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