we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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