She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
