Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
