i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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