i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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