Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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