Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Text me some of your sweat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
