I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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