oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
