I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize