Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
