how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
