Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
