My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
