matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
