What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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