Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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