guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
