the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
