Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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