i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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