It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
