We're like a lot better than the average bears
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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