woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
