Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize