you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
