Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize