i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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