I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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