so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
