I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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