i was born a porn star she said
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
