I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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