I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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