there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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