I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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