i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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