omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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