A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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