someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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