Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
