Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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