Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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