dude i'm inner monologue high
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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