She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize