Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
