Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
