I was born with a shot glass in my hand
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
