We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
