I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm like, not good at living.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
