So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
