I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
