i need an iv and a liver transplant
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
