I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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