we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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